In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
