have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
