we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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