This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize