part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
