tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
