I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
