I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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