Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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