we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize