im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
