wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
