sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
