Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
