when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Holy sore nipples Batman
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
