you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I touched a dick in church today
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
