I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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