That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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