just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
