She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
