I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
