we have officially lost it.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
