Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
