U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
