I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
