WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
