Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm passing your future prison.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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