Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
only you would photoshop your dick
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize