my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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