dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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