angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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