well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
