Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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