You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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