I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
