I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
