If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
