I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
