i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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