Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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