i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
