i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
