Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
