first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Sorry about my life...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
