my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
