you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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