i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Randomize
