She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
