Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
