You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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