...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
