I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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