Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
