it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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