Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We are all done wearing pants today
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
