i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
