remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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