did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
