Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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