even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
