i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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