he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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