Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
