so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
