that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
