I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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