i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
