You smell like stripper and shame
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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