Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
